Tuesday August 12th 2014
Depression.
Everyone knows someone on anti depressants.
You may know many..........and not even know it.
Many hide the symptoms well,
Others can't.
I have been on anti depressants now for 12 years.
Some people know, I guess now all of you know.
My experience with depression was all encompassing. I was sick and nothing was working to make me well. I had a new child, and was too sad and sick to even enjoy it. There are many holidays and events I will never get to experience, except through pictures, because I have no memory of those days. Maybe that is part of the reason I scrapbook. I am desperate to get some of those moments back.
When everyone realized how depressed I was, it was because I was a zombie. Living in a world of pain, and going away in my mind was the best way I could find to handle it....... or I blew up like a volcano, attacking anyone and anything in my path.
The day I went balistic over sidewalk chalk, and then went inside and sat in front of a computer solitaire game for over 4 hours just staring at the screen, John took me to our doctor. The doctor was surprised I wasn't already on some kind of anti depressant, due to the length of time I had been so sick.
The trick though, was the pills would not start working for weeks and weeks. The happiest day that year was the moment John turned to me and said...
"that's the first time you have smiled in almost a year"
I remember that moment.
Here's a question.
WHY? Why did he not know I WASN'T on them?
WHY? Why did no-one help before it got to that point?
WHY? Why did it have to go that far?
I am very lucky.
I had someone who noticed.
I had someone who insisted on getting me help.
I did not want to hurt myself or others.
I did not want to die,
I wanted to go away
I wanted the pain to stop.
I fight hard everyday to keep up the facade. I am usually happy, ready to try anything. I throw myself into complicated projects and face life as it comes. Some days are harder than others. I avoid people when I have a really bad day.
My heart breaks today as someone who portrayed some of the funniest characters,
died by his own hands, because he saw no other way to deal with it.
I cannot imagine how much worse his depression was.
I am sad that, even though he had all the money he needed to get help,
there was nothing he found that worked.
Robin Williams, you will be missed.
I am sad for all those moments you will never be able to give us.
I am sad that no one could save you.
Good Night
Depression.
Everyone knows someone on anti depressants.
You may know many..........and not even know it.
Many hide the symptoms well,
Others can't.
I have been on anti depressants now for 12 years.
Some people know, I guess now all of you know.
My experience with depression was all encompassing. I was sick and nothing was working to make me well. I had a new child, and was too sad and sick to even enjoy it. There are many holidays and events I will never get to experience, except through pictures, because I have no memory of those days. Maybe that is part of the reason I scrapbook. I am desperate to get some of those moments back.
When everyone realized how depressed I was, it was because I was a zombie. Living in a world of pain, and going away in my mind was the best way I could find to handle it....... or I blew up like a volcano, attacking anyone and anything in my path.
The day I went balistic over sidewalk chalk, and then went inside and sat in front of a computer solitaire game for over 4 hours just staring at the screen, John took me to our doctor. The doctor was surprised I wasn't already on some kind of anti depressant, due to the length of time I had been so sick.
The trick though, was the pills would not start working for weeks and weeks. The happiest day that year was the moment John turned to me and said...
"that's the first time you have smiled in almost a year"
I remember that moment.
Here's a question.
WHY? Why did he not know I WASN'T on them?
WHY? Why did no-one help before it got to that point?
WHY? Why did it have to go that far?
I am very lucky.
I had someone who noticed.
I had someone who insisted on getting me help.
I did not want to hurt myself or others.
I did not want to die,
I wanted to go away
I wanted the pain to stop.
I fight hard everyday to keep up the facade. I am usually happy, ready to try anything. I throw myself into complicated projects and face life as it comes. Some days are harder than others. I avoid people when I have a really bad day.
My heart breaks today as someone who portrayed some of the funniest characters,
died by his own hands, because he saw no other way to deal with it.
I cannot imagine how much worse his depression was.
I am sad that, even though he had all the money he needed to get help,
there was nothing he found that worked.
Robin Williams, you will be missed.
I am sad for all those moments you will never be able to give us.
I am sad that no one could save you.
Good Night
Comments
Post a Comment