Friday August 22nd 2014
What should have been the end of a fun exhausting week,
is more of an ending to a lot more.
The culmination of this weeks bucket list activities was a ride on the Port Stanley train on the new tracks in St Thomas. The first train out. We spent most of the day, laughing and striking things off the To Do list with great plans for supper.
When we arrived at the train platform
Dad stepped out of his wheelchair........
and it was as if he just sort of ...... left. He was no longer the excited, lets do it guy, I have come to know during his fight with the stroke and cancer. He was angry and petulant and for the first time, with me anyway, distant and cold.
I was my Dad's biggest supporter.
Today I was his whipping post.
I walked him through months of therapy in Parkwood. I went everyday, rain or shine or snow, forsaking all other commitments and a 12 year old daughter, to ensure he was never alone needing help.
Even when I was ill, during 2011, I made the time to take care of him. I fought his side of the battle even when I questioned if he was right. I supported his decisions.
I was there every day he was in respit at Valleyview over the last 5 years. I spent hours working out how we could complete items on his bucket list.
I spent so much time right by his side supporting him through his fight with cancer.
I chose to ignore my own symptoms and pain when he was here, so he would not spend days alone at the nursing home. My friends became his supporters too. Many giving up time to share in the exciting things we would do.
When my Dad stepped on that train today,
and disappeared, my heart broke.
I could not hurt more today,
than if he had actually passed away.
He said things he cannot take back.
He made inaccurate accusations about me.
He looked right through me........ like I was nothing.
And for the first time.....
I stood up and said no more.
I can fight with someone. I can fight for someone.
I will not fight for someone whose only thoughts at this point,
do not reflect what I know my Dad would want out of his life.
I sincerely hope,
instead of remembering what happened late this afternoon,
I can live with all the memories
that I made with the man that was my Dad.
I also pray for him to be at peace with the decisions he makes.
Good night
What should have been the end of a fun exhausting week,
is more of an ending to a lot more.
The culmination of this weeks bucket list activities was a ride on the Port Stanley train on the new tracks in St Thomas. The first train out. We spent most of the day, laughing and striking things off the To Do list with great plans for supper.
When we arrived at the train platform
Dad stepped out of his wheelchair........
and it was as if he just sort of ...... left. He was no longer the excited, lets do it guy, I have come to know during his fight with the stroke and cancer. He was angry and petulant and for the first time, with me anyway, distant and cold.
I was my Dad's biggest supporter.
Today I was his whipping post.
I walked him through months of therapy in Parkwood. I went everyday, rain or shine or snow, forsaking all other commitments and a 12 year old daughter, to ensure he was never alone needing help.
Even when I was ill, during 2011, I made the time to take care of him. I fought his side of the battle even when I questioned if he was right. I supported his decisions.
I was there every day he was in respit at Valleyview over the last 5 years. I spent hours working out how we could complete items on his bucket list.
I spent so much time right by his side supporting him through his fight with cancer.
I chose to ignore my own symptoms and pain when he was here, so he would not spend days alone at the nursing home. My friends became his supporters too. Many giving up time to share in the exciting things we would do.
When my Dad stepped on that train today,
and disappeared, my heart broke.
I could not hurt more today,
than if he had actually passed away.
He said things he cannot take back.
He made inaccurate accusations about me.
He looked right through me........ like I was nothing.
And for the first time.....
I stood up and said no more.
I can fight with someone. I can fight for someone.
I will not fight for someone whose only thoughts at this point,
do not reflect what I know my Dad would want out of his life.
I sincerely hope,
instead of remembering what happened late this afternoon,
I can live with all the memories
that I made with the man that was my Dad.
I also pray for him to be at peace with the decisions he makes.
Good night
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