MAY 2

May 2nd 2017

MY LIFE SEEMS
LIKE A ROLLER COASTER!

Up, down, curves
and sometimes just stuck in the loading zone.


At the start of 2017,
I was told I was in a type
of remission from my Crohns.
Not completely and for sure,
but the worst symptoms
were being held back well
by my new drug regime.

My life had a major upheaval
when my two aging parents moved
back to St Thomas.

My family
now consisted of a grown daughter
and a husband whom I see
everyday now.

EVERYTHING CHANGED.

I decided then it was time
to start attempting a new regime
to change my life as well.

I started reading the book
The Happiness Project.
Very insightful,
and it spoke to me
and what I was attempting to do.

Each month in the book
you assign yourself a chore.
It is May,
I got stuck in January and February.
Not that I am not doing
what I am supposed to
but my work in those months
did not seem to have an ending.

Happily
I can report I have made steps
to correct that issue.

Now back in January,
to attempt some change
in making ME happy,
I started a "challenge" with myself.

I did semi-retake-over my place
as ringleader of LDO.
Its a position I gave up
but no one ever really filled again.
I am determined to start
the parties, bbqs and road trips
we used to have!

I am not trying to re-live
those amazing days we had,
but I look forward to actuall
LIVING the coming summer days.

I also backed off
trying to make EVERYONE happy
and focused on what made me happy,
to the amazement of those
close enough to me to have noticed.

I did NOT initiate texts, emails, phone calls
or messaging to my rather large group,
to see if I was forcing happiness
or friendships where acquaintances
may be all they ever were.

I came to realize,
where
I spent too much time trying,
begging or coddling people
into doing something.
I also realized that in some cases
it is NOT my job to always initiate
and make ALL the plans.

I accept the invites,
I turn down events,
I go where I want,
I do it with whomever wants to go,
and I am learning to do this
on my own terms.
With a lot less thought
as to how everyone is viewing what
I am doing or how I am doing it.

This again is a huge step forward,
as I am always looking
for someone to give me a gold star
or approve whatever I am doing.


My life
and I want more out of it
than chasing the wrong people
to do what I want to do.

Does this mean,
I will be making a rather large unfriending
of people on my facebook page,
or start avoiding people in my life?

Of course not,
and if you thought that,
you may not know me as well as you thought.

But,
it is time to move on
and try something different,
maybe accommodate
what I want more.


Good night from John Street