oct19
October 19th 2016
How can a day go by so fast?
Never mind day!
week?
month?
year?
My days run into each other now,
and my goal
is to figure out how to stop that,
smell a flower and enjoy
a little more of my day,
instead of running,
running,
running.
It is not simple math.
I am one person.
I have a home
that requires my attention,
a family
who I want to spend time with,
a job (2 now)
to fit into my life,
a hobby
that takes more than just a few minutes,
aging parents
who need help,
friends
whom I need to fit into my busy life,
holidays
which I celebrate larger than other people,
and
I have a crappy disease that takes over
unexpectedly
whenever it feels like.
My life feels like one of those
crappy math equations
none of us could figure out
when we were in high school!
Although in the end
there is still only one me,
who can do it,
assign it,
pass on it,
figure it out,
fit it in
or
feel guilty.
I am in the process
of digging my father
out of a self induced state
of personal depression.
I keep saying:
Our life is how we make it; right decisions, wrong decisions, and we made our choices according to circumstances, ambitions, and purposes. At the end of the day, we have to accept the result of our decisions. Good or bad, we have to deal with it responsibly. life is a matter of choice, faith, and right attitude to deal our everyday lives.
and I do believe that.
I can choose a lot of times
to fight my disease,
doing what I want
and when I want
suffering the pain afterwards.
but
occasionally I have to choose
to sit back and let it run
its crappy course and feel sorry for myself.
How can a day go by so fast?
Never mind day!
week?
month?
year?
My days run into each other now,
and my goal
is to figure out how to stop that,
smell a flower and enjoy
a little more of my day,
instead of running,
running,
running.
It is not simple math.
I am one person.
I have a home
that requires my attention,
a family
who I want to spend time with,
a job (2 now)
to fit into my life,
a hobby
that takes more than just a few minutes,
aging parents
who need help,
friends
whom I need to fit into my busy life,
holidays
which I celebrate larger than other people,
and
I have a crappy disease that takes over
unexpectedly
whenever it feels like.
My life feels like one of those
crappy math equations
none of us could figure out
when we were in high school!
Although in the end
there is still only one me,
who can do it,
assign it,
pass on it,
figure it out,
fit it in
or
feel guilty.
I am in the process
of digging my father
out of a self induced state
of personal depression.
I keep saying:
Our life is how we make it; right decisions, wrong decisions, and we made our choices according to circumstances, ambitions, and purposes. At the end of the day, we have to accept the result of our decisions. Good or bad, we have to deal with it responsibly. life is a matter of choice, faith, and right attitude to deal our everyday lives.
and I do believe that.
I can choose a lot of times
to fight my disease,
doing what I want
and when I want
suffering the pain afterwards.
but
occasionally I have to choose
to sit back and let it run
its crappy course and feel sorry for myself.
I can choose to be mediocre,
I can choose to be a hermit,
I can choose to walk away
from difficult decisions.
I can choose who is a part of my life,
I can choose
I can choose
I can choose.
I can choose to sit alone wondering
what I would be like if I put forth
a bit more effort to join in.
BUT
The coin is always 2 sided.
The chance it will sit landed on its edge
is so slim that I do not count it.
so
I choose one path
or the other,
I do not sit on the fence.
Because tomorrow
I can toss that coin again
and follow another path.
Now tomorrow
I have to make a choice
about how I will move forward,
and figure it all out,
If it does not all come together
in one day.....
I guess I will just have to live with it
and try again the next day.
Good night from John Street
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