October 6th 2020

Spent the day getting rid of 

Some "I don't feel like"

 Chores on my to do list.

We bbq'd a big steak for supper

And even ate at the table.

I am having a war currently

With my brain.

I am trying very hard to say

3 thanks every morning.

My brain immediately goes to

The vague "like my family" or

And I think this is worse...

What "I should be" saying.

Use this as an example:

Your friend meets you for coffee

And she is wearing the 

#1 ugliest shirt you personally

Have ever seen.

1) immediately say what the heck

2) ignore and hope it's not brought up

3) tell her it's nice when asked

Then run home to tell hubby how ugly

4) snap a pic because no one will believe it

That's what I am running into. 

I say I am thankful for ______________

And then my brain:

1) shows me a pic of why 

I am not thankful for that 

causing sorrow not thankfulness

2) instantly says you can do better 

causing me to be frustrated when I can't

3) accept it because I am too lazy 

To put in the effort

Causing regret because I missed the point

Of the whole excercise

4) points out I have used that before

Causing me anxiety that maybe i

Do not have as much to be thankful for

As I once assumed

It's a process.

I will get better.

I will get more specific.

I DO have thankful.

Good night from John Street